


That Cold Dark Water

by cinderella1147



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 22:40:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20015938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinderella1147/pseuds/cinderella1147
Summary: Post-S16E13 "She"... because that jar scene was such a *thing*. This is mostly from Nick's perspective. After Ellie rescues Morgan Burke, Nick decides to make a move, but something comes up and he's left wondering if he missed his chance. Ellick.





	That Cold Dark Water

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, and welcome to what I'm sure is the 415th "Jar" story. :) I'm afraid there's not much that's innovative about this work, but "She" is such a good episode that I couldn't walk past without adding my two cents.  
> Also, some drunk-Nick appears in the story (nothing too graphic- and obv pre-dates Mona Lisa). 
> 
> Note1: Starts right at the end of "She" and continues to the following weeks, but all before Silent Service, and the following episodes are not really relevant. 
> 
> Note2: English is still not my native language, so any comments re: grammar, etc. are most appreciated. :)

Nick watched as the ambulance drove away with Ellie and Morgan Burke, and as the car disappeared into the darkness he closed his eyes, leaned his head back toward the sky and let out a deep, relieved sigh. When he found out that Gibbs sent Ellie home, he tried calling her a few times, but it always went to voicemail. His growing unease then switched to worry once they realized she went to the uncle’s house alone, and by the time they tackled the perp and Ellie was nowhere to be seen, he was fully panicking. But she was fine, she was alive, he reminded himself for the twentieth time since he first saw her crouching on the ground, holding Morgan, both of them soaked and exhausted. 

As the knowledge of her safety started to fully sink in, he felt the adrenaline leave his body and a wave of exhaustion rushed in, his legs suddenly couldn’t support him any longer. He needed to sit down. Nick looked around, Tim and Gibbs were inside the house, processing evidence, while the perp was handcuffed and sitting at the back of a car, with two NCIS agents guarding him. He really needed a few minutes alone to collect his thoughts and get his bearings. 

He was so thankful he drove out here separately from the team. Turning around, he made his way to his car and dropped down to the ground. He leaned his head back to the door and closed his eyes again. No energy left to open the door and climb in, he figured for the few minutes that he had, this would do. He felt the cold seep through his jeans, and as the anxiety that pumped his blood slowly disappeared, he recognized how cold the night really was. The water must have been freezing when Ellie jumped in after Morgan. Of course, she didn’t show any sign of vulnerability or weakness when the ambulance pulled up. She had to be ordered by Gibbs to go get checked out. Meanwhile, here he was, shuddering just thinking about jumping in that water. Nick rubbed his eyes with his palms, trying to get the image of Ellie lying on the ground out of his head. ‘She’s fine, she’s alive,’ he repeated again, like a mantra.

Problem was, this was not her first close call in as many weeks, and if *he* had any say in it she would not be allowed to leave the NCIS building for the foreseeable future. Well, not without him anyways. If for nothing else, at least his blood pressure would return to a safer range for a couple of weeks. That girl’s gonna be the death of him. He briefly played with the idea of trying to persuade Gibbs to put her on desk duty, but quickly recognized how stupid that idea was. Even though he was immensely thankful to all the higher powers that she wasn’t hurt enough to warrant desk duty, part of him really wished there was a way to keep her out of harm’s way. The prospect of losing her was becoming more and more real every time she cheated the odds. 

_‘Put something in it you don’t wanna lose.’_ Kasie’s words echoed in his mind and he remembered the empty jar in his bag, currently in the trunk of his car. Now if there was a way to put Special Agent Eleanor Bishop in that jar, that would solve a lot of his problems.  
Of course, that was not an option. Still, he got up from the ground, and went to open his trunk. He reached for the jar and was surprised how cold the glass got during the day. Again, that fuckin’ cold. He slowly turned the object in his hand, as if he was expecting answers that only the jar could provide. 

A gust of cold wind reached him, bringing along that slightly muddy scent of the water, and he heard the faint waves as they reached the shore in an unpredictable rhythm. Days later, when he thinks back on this night, he’ll figure this is when he gets the idea. He slowly made his way toward the lake. It was so dark. He couldn’t make out anything in the distance and could hardly see more than a few feet ahead- the part that was illuminated by the light coming from the house and the vehicles. As he got closer to the edge, he noticed a few bigger, sturdier rocks. He lowered himself on one of them, and quickly pushed away any thoughts that were about to warn him how sentimental he was getting. He didn’t care. Leaning down, he scooped up some water in the jar and inspected it before securing the lid on. There. He never wanted to forget how close he came to losing her. Kasie was right, everyone needed a jar. For now, he needed it to remind him that life was short- and if you’re a special agent at NCIS, it may be even shorter. And he was done wasting what time they did have. He was going to ask her out as soon as she was feeling better. 

*  


Famous last words.  
Turns out, it’s really hard to tell when someone is “officially” feeling better, if they insist there was never anything wrong to begin with. Still, a few weeks passed and Nick thought it was perhaps safe to approach the subject. There may have been some extra bachata in his steps when he walked across the Navy Yard that Monday morning. A good mood that was quickly spoiled when he spotted Ellie and an unfamiliar man across the parking lot, laughing and walking way too close for it to be a casual relationship. From the angle he was observing, he couldn’t see the man’s features clearly, but he was well-built, was definitely not old, and wore jeans and a hoodie. Too casual for a work-related visit. Maybe he dropped Ellie off? He didn’t like what that may imply. He watched as Ellie’s head fell back in laughter at something the man said, then she linked her arm through his to balance while she rose to her toes and planted a kiss on the man’s cheek, before they continued walking to the building entrance. 

His stomach dropped at the sight and he turned to face away from them. Sure, he had no confirmation that she was seeing the guy, or even if she was, how serious it may be, but the fact was, he was late. He sat on his ass for too long, and this was the result. Goddamnit. He fucked it up.

By the time he made it to the bullpen, Ellie was at her desk, typing away, the man in the hoodie nowhere in sight. He dropped his backpack on the floor and sat down at his own desk without saying anything. 

“And a good morning to you too, Nick. Oh yeah, I had a great weekend, thanks for asking.” Came the teasing, sarcastic greeting from Ellie. When the only response she got was a quick “Yeah, sorry, good morning” that he mumbled under his breath, she wrinkled her eyebrows in confusion. No one would ever accuse Nick of being a morning person, but this was a little extreme, even for him.

“Hey,” she walked to his desk, her voice now lacking that teasing tone. “Everything okay?”

He avoided looking at her for a few moments, then eventually raised his eyes. She could see that he was debating what to say, but he settled on a simple “Yeah, all’s good. Rough night. You know how it is.” She could tell that was BS. She could also tell that no matter what, he wasn’t going to say anything more right then. Before walking back to her own desk, she quietly added, “If you need to talk, you know where to find me.”

Nick stole a glance at her retreating form. He didn’t know what to tell her. She seemed genuinely happy and carefree with that man, and he didn’t have it in him to ruin that - and potentially their friendship and work-relationship, by confessing his feelings and asking her out. She deserved to be happy and if that guy made her happy, he would have to accept that. Not to mention, he was well-aware of Quasim and Jake, it was probably intentional on her part to go out with someone who was not a colleague. None of that made things easier for now. The bitter taste in his mouth at the realization that he missed his chance with her just wouldn’t go away. Regret, such a fucked up feeling. He couldn’t wait until this day was done. He was going to find himself a nice bottle of whatever and drink enough to forget that he ever had feelings for one Eleanor Bishop.

*

Tapping the empty glass in front of him, Nick motioned to the bartender that a refill was expected. The man shook his head as he stopped in front of him.  
“I think you’ve had enough, buddy. Do you have a friend I could call? Or I can call a cab if you prefer?”  
“Nah, I’m good.” He was slurring his words a little, but insisted on one more drink. “Just one more, for the road, you know? ‘Coz I still remember her and I really-really need to forget...You know what I mean, man?”  
The bartender sighed. “Yeah, buddy. I do. But I can promise you: one more drink won’t solve that.” He ended up pouring him another - half glass of whiskey this time. “My treat, if you promise this is your last one?”  
“Done.” Nick nodded. He knew he was being pathetic, but his mind kept replaying what he saw in the morning, Ellie with that man, and he didn’t know how to stop the tape. “Ellie. Her name’s Ellie.” He said, even though no one asked. He closed his eyes for a minute, and got lost in the loud buzz of the bar. The noise and the fact that his eyes were closed meant that he didn’t hear or see his phone was ringing, or that the bartender grabbed it and answered instead of him. 

Twenty minutes later, Nick was still nursing that last whiskey, when he felt someone slid on the barstool next to his. He recognized her perfume first. The light, fresh scent was so familiar and so unique to her that even in his inebriated state, even with his eyes closed, he would notice it anywhere. It occurred to him how implausible it was that she would be there, but then a gentle hand was placed on his forearm. His eyes shot open and he whipped his head to look at her. 

“Ellie?”  
“Hi.” Her expression was a mix of worry and relief.  
“How did you get here?” His mind was a mess, but he knew that realistically she shouldn’t be there.  
“I called you a few times after we left work… You didn’t answer until the last one, except it wasn’t you, but a very concerned bartender.”  
“Oh. Yeah. Sorry about that. I’ve been meaning to get a cab, you didn’t have to come all the way here…”  
“Nick Torres, don’t be ridiculous. Now, c’mon. I take you home. Your head is gonna hurt like hell tomorrow. The sooner you get to bed the better.” With that, she hopped off the barstool and grabbed his waist so he could lean on her for support. 

By the time they reached Nick’s apartment, he was half asleep. They slowly made their way up the stairs and through the lobby, and Ellie had to concentrate on holding him upright, but also on not blushing furiously. While one of his hands gripped her waist, his head rested on her shoulder, making her feel every warm puff of breath on her neck, and the muscles in his back and his arm as they were pressed together from hip to shoulder. In the shuffle, the bottom of her t-shirt rode up and she inhaled sharply when his warm hand came to grip the bare skin just above her jeans. Other than that undercover kiss, this was the most physical contact they’ve ever had and she quickly berated herself for being preoccupied by the butterflies this sudden intimate contact generated, instead of concentrating on helping his friend. 

“Keys?” She asked, a little out of breath when they reached his door.  
He mumbled something incoherent, but at the same time started patting his jacket pocket. Following the clue, she maneuvered herself so she could keep holding him, while reaching inside his pocket to free the keys. With the door finally opened, she guided him to the bedroom and helped him to the bed. 

“Can you undress, or do you need me to help?” She was already on her way to his kitchen to get some water and aspirin, when his reply came.  
“Ellie Bishop, never thought I’d hear you say that.” He chuckled to himself, then remembering what led them here, he fell on his back across the bed with a dejected groan.  
Ellie came back, face a little flushed at his innuendo, gave him the water and put the pill on the side table. She gently moved him in a position where he could drink comfortably and waited until half of the glass was empty. 

“You wanna tell me what this was all about?” She was quiet, but in the stillness of the hour she might as well have been shouting. The words reverberated within the bedroom walls and Nick found himself without options on how to avoid answering. He looked at her, the light from the hallway illuminated her golden locks, and he was embarrassed to see so much worry in her eyes.  
“I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to make you worry…”  
“What’s going on, Nick? Is it a case? Or something with Lucia?” She was at a loss, but something must have happened to have Nick so affected.  
He tried to focus and stay awake, knowing that at the very least, he owed her an honest answer. But his eyelids became heavy, and his head fell back on the pillow.  
“Just don’t want to lose you…” It was more of a murmur than actual words, but Ellie heard him nonetheless. She wished she could ask him to elaborate, but it was clear he was out. Sighing, she got up from the bed, didn’t try to undress him, just took off his shoes and covered him with a blanket. She looked at his face for a moment, finally restful instead of distraught. Gently, ever so tenderly, she brushed his cheek, then pulled the blanket higher and tucked him in more tightly. 

Ellie quietly left the room, and made sure the door was left ajar. She didn’t want to leave him alone for the night. Taking off her own shoes, then grabbing a glass of water, she walked up to the bookshelf to examine some of the objects he displayed there. Despite his bravado and easy-going personality, he was a deeply private person, and there wasn’t a lot of mementos displayed. She suspected it must have been the result of his long undercover work as well, when getting attached to photos or objects could potentially be life-threatening. 

There was a worn football, books, magazines, a collection of some old LP records, and one single photograph. It was an older one, he must have been in his early twenties, with an older woman, and a young girl. The similarities were evident, so Ellie figured this must have been his mom and his sister. He looked carefree and so young. She shuddered to think about how much violence he has seen since then. They all have. Next to the photo, there was a clear glass jar filled with water. She instantly recognized that it was what Kasie gave him a few weeks ago. Why did he fill it with water? And why did he keep it somewhere that was clearly a prominent place for things he considered important. That man constantly surprised her. She reached out to touch it, but changed her mind midway. For whatever reason, this was important and personal to him, and she didn’t want to cross a line that he didn’t give permission to. 

“Go ahead, if you want to hold it,” came the permission from the bedroom door. Nick’s voice was rough and low, but she still let out a surprised shriek at his unexpected appearance. His movements were slow as he walked closer to where she was. He placed the jar in her hands, then went to the kitchen.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”  
“I tried. Fell asleep, then woke up to my head pounding.” He grabbed a pill and washed it down with the water.

Ellie sat down on the couch, still holding the jar. When he took a seat next to her, she lifted it up. “Can I ask what’s this? I know I’m being nosy, but it seems to be important to you…”

He nodded. _Here goes nothing._  
“I got that from the lake where you rescued Morgan Burke.” He heard the sharp inhale of breath, but didn’t look up just yet, instead continued looking at the jar. “I didn’t notice it at first how damn cold it was, you know. I don’t even understand how you didn’t get hypothermia after being in that freezing water for so long… Not to mention being shot at while you were diving in. And this happened just a few weeks after Vicious almost shot you. The possibility of losing you got very real. I wanted to make sure that I never forget how close I got to losing you...It’s stupid, but the jar was there and it sort of made sense at the time.”

“Thank you for telling me, and that’s not stupid. It’s actually very touching. And I’m sorry I didn’t notice that it affected you so much...I never - “  
“That’s not exactly why I was at the bar, Ellie.”  
“Oh.”  
“Listen, I know you’re seeing someone and this is the worst possible moment, but we can just say that I’m still very much under the influence of alcohol so I’m just gonna get it all out and we can never speak of it again, okay?”  
“Wait, wh-”  
“I wanted to ask you out. I think you’re amazing, and you’re my best friend, and I think we could be pretty awesome together. But, I understand that you’re with someone and frankly, you’re probably better off with him anyways, so I will totally respect that. But it might take me some time to adjust, that’s all. So if I’m being weird just know that it’s gonna pass, I promise.”

When he finished his little monologue he looked at her and found a surprised and confused Ellie Bishop, with mouth hanging open and hands still clutching the water-filled jar.  
“Ok, give me some time to unpack all that. First. I’d love to go out with you. Second, I don’t know why you think I’m seeing someone or that I’d be better off with them when I’ve had the most embarrassingly long crush on you. Also, you're my best friend and I agree that we would be pretty awesome together.”

It was Nick’s turn to stare at her with mouth hanging open from the surprise.

“My brain just short circuited when you said you’d want to go out with me... and we really need to revisit that you said you had a crush on me….But then who was the guy this morning? I saw him dropping you off at the Navy Yard and from what I could tell you were very close…” 

“This morning?” At first her mind was blank, but when it finally clicked she had to bite her lip to keep from smiling. “Tall, young, wore jeans and a hoodie?”

He flinched. “Yeah.”

“Yep. That’s my brother’s oldest son. He’s 17. A bit of a handful, but decided to join the military, that’s why he was in town. I connected him with a few people who could help him figure out which branch would be the best fit. He spent the weekend with me, that’s why he was able to drop me off this morning. Congratulations, babe. You got drunk AF because of a 17-year-old boy who is my relative.”

“Damn. That’s gonna hurt tomorrow morning. And I’m pretty sure you’ll never let me live this down.” Laughter followed and Ellie joined him as he leaned back on the couch.

Shoulders touching, laughter slowly dying down, Nick turned to her. “Now, can we get back to the part where you’ve had a crush on me for an embarrassingly long time?” There was nothing teasing in his voice. It was quiet, serious, and still a little bit surprised. 

“Hmm. Right after we settle when and where we go on a date.” Her eyes were dancing and he figured now was as good a time as any to have a first -non undercover kind of- kiss.


End file.
